(STEPHEN)
JAMES, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE TONIGHT. I LOVE YOUR SONGS. BUT WHAT I LOVE EVEN MORE IS THAT YOU NEVER STOP WORKING ON THEM.

(JAMES)
IT’S TRUE, STEPHEN. I CONSIDER MY SONGS TO BE “LIVING” THINGS. THEY’RE ALWAYS GROWING. FOR EXAMPLE, I’M STILL WORKING ON “FIRE AND RAIN.”

(STEPHEN)
“FIRE AND RAIN?” IT’S PERFECT. “I’VE SEEN FIRE AND I’VE SEEN RAIN. I’VE SEEN SUNNY DAYS I THOUGHT WOULD NEVER END.”

(JAMES)
YEAH. THE THING IS, I WROTE THAT IN 1970 AND I JUST HADN’T SEEN THAT MUCH BACK THEN. MOSTLY FIRE AND RAIN. THAT’S WHY I KEEP SAYING IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

(STEPHEN)
SO SINCE THEN, YOU’VE SEEN OTHER STUFF?

(JAMES)
OH, YEAH. A LOT. LIKE THOSE PIZZAS THAT ARE FOLDED OVER AND THE EDGES ARE CRIMPED.

(STEPHEN)
A CALZONE?

(JAMES)
YEAH, I HADN’T SEEN THOSE BACK THEN. I DEFINITELY WOULD’VE ADDED THEM TO THE SONG. AND NOW I HAVE.

(STEPHEN)
WOW. SO YOU’VE UPDATED “FIRE & RAIN” TO INCLUDE EVERYTHING YOU’VE SEEN SINCE 1970? I CAN’T IMAGINE WHAT THAT SOUNDS LIKE.

(JAMES)
YOU DON’T HAVE TO IMAGINE IT, STEPHEN. BECAUSE WE REHEARSED IT BEFORE THE SHOW.

(JAMES PLAYS SHORT INTRO AND COMES IN ON CHORUS)

(JAMES)
OH, I’VE SEEN FIRE AND I’VE SEEN RAIN,
I’VE SEEN THE RISE AND FALL OF THE BEANIE BABIES TREND,
I’VE SEEN MAN BUNS, MYSPACE, AND THE BAJA MEN,
BUT I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SEE A NEW STAR WARS AGAIN.
(STEPHEN)
ONCE I “LOOKED” DOWN AND SAW SOME SNEAKERS
THAT HAD WHEELS BUILT IN THE HEEL.
I’VE SEEN GRANDMAS READ “50 SHADES OF GREY”
I’VE SEEN RAINBOW SUSPENDERS, AND “TACO” BELL FOURTH MEAL,
AND GLUTEN “FREE” BROWN SUGAR SPECIAL K.
(JAMES)
OH I’VE SEEN SNAKES UPON A PLANE,
I’VE SEEN SHAMPOO WITH CONDITIONER BUILT RIGHT IN.
I’VE SEEN AL ROKER’S BODY GO FROM FAT TO THIN,
AND I KINDA HOPED TO SEE LEFT SHARK AGAIN.
(STEPHEN)
SAW A STRANGE PIZZA PIE AND IT CAUGHT MY EYE, IT WAS FOLDED INTO A POUCH.
LORD KNOWS WHAT “YOU” CALL THOSE, I SHOULD’VE ASKED THE PIZZA GUY.
WELL THERE’S BUD LIGHT LIME, AND THERE’S CYBER-CRIME, AND FLAVOR-CRYSTAL GUM.
QUIDDITCH TEAMS AND SKINNY JEANS CUTTING BLOOD OFF FROM MY THIGHS.
(JAMES)
OH I’VE SEEN TOAST THAT’S MULTIGRAIN,
I’VE SEEN ALMOST EVERY EPISODE OF “FRIENDS…”
I’VE SEEN ADULT DIAPERS, I THINK THEY’RE CALLED DEPENDS.
BUT I NEVER SAW THAT SHOW WITH THE OLSON TWINS……

(STEPHEN)
IT’S CALLED “FULL HOUSE”.
HOW MANY MORE VERSES ARE THERE JAMES?

(JAMES)
ABOUT 75.

(STEPHEN)
WE’VE GOTTA GO TO COMMERCIAL–

(JAMES)
OH, I’VE SEEN SEINFELD AND ELAINE…